we have the guts and glory

it started as a poem...

some days are a struggle and the days go by.
some days are energetic and i do not cry.

i may not cry saltwater tears, but i cry inside at the fear and worry I carry.
i imagine my little heart slowly dripping droplets one by one. drop. drop.
the thought sometimes crosses my mind, "am i able to bear this?"

we all go through hardships and trials. 
they all come at different times in our lives.

it seems the light is far off in the distance as you struggle to stand and get any slight glimpse of that bright light.

the light that brings hope. that brings reassurance that everything is going to be ok. that you are not alone, ever.

i understand that most of the sweet people that read my blog are women, and not to disregard men, but the following is addressed more to women:

we as women are emotional creatures. you know, all those hormones and all!

it's ok to cry. it's ok confide in others about your problems or things that you keep and build inside.

it's ok to ask for help. it's ok to worry, because that usually means you care.
  
however, we must remember that we are not alone. God is there. He never leaves our side and though we cannot see Him, he may be there in the form of a dear friend, a kind stranger or a baked goodie left on your doorstep.

we will move forward through the fears and tears.

we could be free-er if we allowed ourselves to let go and let God. Give up your burdens and weight to the Lord and he shall sustain you (Psalms 55:22)


we must realize that we have the guts and glory to overcome any trial. 
Faith will see you through.

 Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

these past few weeks have been heavy for me. emotionally. spiritually. so much so, that my sleep routine has worsened from the usual disruptive pattern i've lived for over 7 years.

my anxiety has increased. after talking with my primary dr. a couple weeks ago, we upped the dosage on my anti-anxiety pill. (the dosage I was taking was VERY low to begin with.)

I am not ashamed of this. I get a little crazy. Truth is, life gets a little crazy.

Who cares!?

Some people who don't deal with anxiety or who simply do not understand would counter, "why take a pill? that's just another pill for another problem. what's next?, if you're a woman of faith, why don't you just pray to God to make you better?" so on and so on....

I am not saying this is you, it's just what I imagine naysayers to say or think...I shouldn't care and I don't because I do believe that this med does help me when the going gets tough, (especially at 1 or 2 in the morning): 

when I get ansy and frustrated and HAVE TO MOVE or shake my legs. 
When I feel my heart beating faster. 
When I have a fluttering feeling in my chest and upper abdominals that nags. 

This pill doesn't cure me of my problem and I don't credit it for helping 100% because the other major source of my help comes from Christ!

I never feel closer to my Savior than when I pray or read scriptures. These past 2-3 weeks have been filled with quiet time with Him, prayer, pleading, tears and doubts (yes, i have doubts sometimes.)

Psalms 31:24 

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

i tell myself negative things (the dark one's forces, the dark shadows) and remind myself that doubt and fear is NOT of God! My anxiety will not rule over me!

Psalms 62:1-2

Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.

I've looked to Psalms 62 many a time lately, thanks to one of my best friends who recommended this chapter to me.

I can honestly share that my weeks are improving. I have been able to sleep MUCH better the past couple of nights. It feels so relieving to actually be rested. I thank God for this improvement. Being more restful leads to more energy which in turn has shifted my crabbiness and has allowed me to WANT to do things that I normally found happiness in, such as blogging. Alelulia!

It feels so good to be back blogging more regularly. To be somewhat organized lol and to see the sunny side of life.

life is lovely

Let me tell you how God is so good. He has been blessing my life so much lately (or is it because my eyes are open?). 

I feel strong enough right now to be there for anyone who needs me. to listen. to encourage. to connect. 

I feel proud of myself because of my productiveness today. It sounds bad, but i seriously struggle in the energy department because of my insomnia and anxiety. Mini victories ya'll! Amen!

I feel excited because i found out this morning that i won an anthropologie gift card (OMG YEH!) given away from Sue of Hello. also, i love you on Megan's blog, across the pond. [thank you thank you ladies!] I am a pretty new follower/reader of megan's blog and she's so pretty & fashionable. She's a california girl writing about her adventures in the U.K.. How neat!

I feel content because i just ate dinner: meatloaf, spanish rice and salad.

I feel smiley because i am looking forward to spending time with friends tonight and saturday! It brings joy to my soul to catch up with my besties even if it's falling asleep after chick-fil-a. (lol C.)

I feel happy because for two days in a row, I have received snail mail from two of my amazing bloggy friends. We haven't met in real life (IRL), yet,  but we've connected and I am thankful to them for their positivity, laughs and smiles. and for taking the time to write a little love note.

I feel thankful that God gave me another day of health and sound mind. I love my life and i enjoy sharing it with you!

Come back tomorrow because i have a delightful guest post for you!! hint: i mentioned her in this post today!! ahhhhhh!!

giveaway & insomnia

Hey ladies, first of all go check out sweet ellie of the ellie life's blog where she is hosting a giveaway in honor of her sixteenth birthday with lovely prizes, including one from yours truly! :) 

 enter here:

 ellie's birthday giveaway

*winner announced sunday/ april fool's day-and that ain't no joke! (for reals)

Also, in case you didn't know, ellie is the creator behind speak now , an organization to encourage empowerment primarily to young women, but honestly, the ideas/goals apply to me as well and im in my late 20's! The organization is supported by a team of wonderful adult & teen representatives and YOU, because you can join in on the mission by pledging, supporting & following speak now on facebook, twitter or gfc for those of you with blogger blogs :)

Secondly, i just woke up from a nap not too long ago. I needed it & i feel refreshed to finish this post! I literally started writing it 3 hours ago and between being sidetracked with reading/emailing/tweeting/commenting on blogs with 16 tabs open, I became overwhelmingly sleepy that i fell asleep sitting in my wheelchair at my computer! 

One thing I don't think I've mentioned is that I am an insomniac. I haven't slept consistently well in over 6 years (and i credit it this to my breathing problems). I take a sleeping pill {rozerem} every night but not 100% sure if it REALLY helps. I am going to look into a natural sleeping aid. Along with my insomnia I have mild anxiety too. My anxiety used to be WAYYYY worse, but I am thankful it has calmed down. I could go more in depth about that issue and how it relates to my sleeping problems, but i'll save it for a rainy day! lol. So last night, I woke up at 3:30 am. That was the third night in the row that I woke up around that time. I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something? What or who do i need to be made aware of? I dont know about you, but i often realize important matters and get creative thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. After trying to fall back asleep for an hour, I texted paco about my inability to sleep-complaining [though i didn't get a quick response, i pretty much think he was sleeping and that's good, but he did text me later in the morning]. After sending that text, I decided to talk with God and pray for all my cherished people who need prayers. As i was praying, i fell asleep around 5:30 I assume and managed to sleep straight through til 7:30. It used to bother me that I fell asleep praying without finishing my prayers. My mom said that that was a good thing and I was comforted, imagining an angel's wing soothing me back to slumber. My attitude changed because of her comment and i am so glad. 

{a view outside my window. I have a thing for birds} 

Because of this constant battle I deal with, I am So not a morning person. i often wake up groggy & not talkative AT ALL! I woke up with negative nellie thoughts and told myself, "you know what Brittany, be thankful God woke you up this sunny day. He still needs you for an important reason" and with that I started telling myself things I was thankful for...thankful I had a comfy bed to lay down to at night, caregivers who always show up for work to get me out of bed!, thankful for my morning cup of coffee, thanking God for keeping my family & friends safe. It's the little things and I have [SO] much to be thankful for.

So my friends, do any of you have trouble sleeping? What sleeping aids do you take (prescription or natural, if any at all?) I've read many articles and tips on how to get a better night's rest (preferably 9-10 hours for women, whereas I estimate I get between 5-7 hrs of broken sleep), but they just aren't cutting it, though I am totally guilty of not turning off the tele one hour before bedtime! Busted!