school supplies, you get me.

*this post is not sponsored. I just love certain stores for shopping for school supplies. All items mentioned were purchased on my own.

When July and August come around, you know what that means? School supply shopping!! I love the hunt for them. When there are sales and or coupons for school supplies, oh man, I am allllll over it!

As you can see, here's a small haul from Target a few weeks ago. This includes:

2 packs of 24 count Up and Up crayons-39cents each
2 packs 100 count index cards (Up & Up)-50 cents each
2 packs- 8 count mechanical pencils (Up &Up)-92 cents each (the following week the price went up)
10 count sharpie markers  -$6
2count Up&Up glue sticks (not shown)-39cents each

Eight count colorful mechanical pencils for 92cents? Count me in! I got the index cards for 50cents. The following couple weeks, Walgreens had the same index card count for 29cents with their store coupon. Greeaaat. Grrr. I know. "Brittany, it's only a 21cent difference." But you guys, being able to get that item for cheaper is what it's about. It's part of the game! haha.

I am not in elementary or high school, but I am going back to school myself this fall! In October! Through ASU, online! I am SO excited! I registered for a class yesterday! yahoo! I am thrilled to be going back to school, to work toward my bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies, but I am NOT loving the $900 debt I will be in. I can already tell ASU that I need to enroll in a payment plan, that honestly, will take me months to complete. However, education is important and I will do my best. Because I've enrolled in school, you know I bought myself some school supplies too!

Ok, so back to school supplies. I am addicted. I can't help it. I can't help buying them when they are so cheap! It's the only time of the year that I justify stocking up on glue sticks (for my cardmaking), for spiral notebooks (for my letters + at 17cents each at Walmart when I went), for pens (cuz I write alot), for index cards (because i might need them), for highlighters + crayons + sharpies (because I love color). Do I really need these all, in excess? NO. But I do and will use them up. Also, I am the go-to-gal. And I like to be prepared for what I may need at any given time.

" Britt, can I borrow some glue?
Britt, I need a pen, ok?
Britt, do you have any paper? "

Of course! Of course is my answer. I am more than happy to be able to help a friend or donate to the children. Yes, the children. Think of the children. And when I say children, I mean, my little friends here at my house. The sons & daughters of my caregivers. They know Britt has got the goods.

When I am Target or Walmart and see the school supplies section, my heart jumps out and my eyes pop out at all the amazing goodness that awaits at rock bottom prices. A one inch three ring binder for 69cents?! Why, Yes, thank you Walgreens!

Do you know how old books smell? I love that smell and I love the smell of new school supplies. It's intoxicating. Ok, now I sound like I have a problem, but I know I am not the only one! ;)

weary.

My blog is like a body, and this body is skin & bones.

Time to get some meat on these bones! Yeh, yeh, you know I miss blogging. I really do.

I almost feel overwhelmed at where to start here. Ok, I AM overwhelmed on where to start because I have so much I want to catch you up on since June.

Let's start with why I haven't been blogging so much and what my life has been like this summer, especially the past few weeks.

Long story short, I am experiencing pain in my back, left arm and left leg. The pain started in April {actually at my grandpa Henry's funeral service} and has gotten worse and spread to other parts of my body (see above). I have seen my neurologist who oversees my muscle disease and he thinks this pain is nerve pain, something going on in my back and that it's a secondary result of my disease progression. He ordered an MRI of my back in June and it just got approved by my insurance last Friday, August 1st. I just found out yesterday what time the MRI will be on August 25th. I cannot wait for that day, for that next step to find out what's going on and how my doctor can better treat/manage my pain. In addition to the constant pain, both of my arms are weakening drastically that it's getting more difficult to do certain daily functions like brushing my teeth or eating a meal that requires a spoon. It's depressing, but I will not go down without a fight! When you hit bottom, more than once, the only way to go is up and forward.

I am so tired guys. I am tired of being in pain every.single.day. I am tired of dealing with it. I am tired of feeling frustrated to the point I cry. I am tired of getting anxious. I am tired of feeling defeated. I am tired of feeling judged for taking the medications that I need to. I am tired of feeling or at least thinking, that my body is dwindling. That my disease is progressing MORE as I type this. That maybe the things I hope to happen in my future, wont, while I am alive on this Earth. I am tired of being tired. I am so weary.

Isaiah 40:31

"..but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."

However, I fight back. every day. I fight back with prayer. with reading my scriptures. with doing something nice for someone else. I fight back with adding humor in my life by watching re-runs of King of Queens or the Cosby Show. Ok. Peanut M&M's might enhance my negative fighting ninja skills. I am lifted up with frequent encouragement from my mom + friends.
I fight back with positive thoughts. I feed myself with affirmations such as:

I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am a daughter of God.

(feel free to use this mantra for yourself)

I repeat it. over and over til I start to hear those words of life. until I start to believe them myself. to tap into that wellspring of restoration and hope.

I fight back by crying and sometimes, literally crying out to God that I need His help. If my troubles can't be swept away, then at least for comfort & strength that I can keep enduring what I need to. It's all either for my own good or for others around me to benefit from,boost up OR maybe it's a combination of both, but my life is of worth. My life, with its trials, are for God's glory. He has chosen me. He has chosen you. When I remember that, I am re-grounded. I truly appreciate my imperfect body, my imperfect life. I am given unique qualities that help build up the kingdom of God, just as you do too. I am eternally grateful for Jesus Christ, my Savior. Because of Him, I know that I can overcome my problems, not just my physical ones.

There is always hope. I see that, time and time again. Hope is such a beautiful thing. The following scriptures also come to mind:

Ether 12: 4, 6
"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

Blogging helps me. Reaching out to others helps me. Being part of community helps me, such as the blogging community, community on instagram and my church community. Thank you for being who you are and for embracing me.

Through the mess, I weed out the bad and find the good. the good little golden nuggets that shine bright, that help lead me home.