some days are a struggle and the days go by.
some days are energetic and i do not cry.
i may not cry saltwater tears, but i cry inside at the fear and worry I carry.
i imagine my little heart slowly dripping droplets one by one. drop. drop.
the thought sometimes crosses my mind, "am i able to bear this?"
we all go through hardships and trials.
they all come at different times in our lives.
it seems the light is far off in the distance as you struggle to stand and get any slight glimpse of that bright light.
the light that brings hope. that brings reassurance that everything is going to be ok. that you are not alone, ever.
i understand that most of the sweet people that read my blog are women, and not to disregard men, but the following is addressed more to women:
we as women are emotional creatures. you know, all those hormones and all!
it's ok to cry. it's ok confide in others about your problems or things that you keep and build inside.
it's ok to ask for help. it's ok to worry, because that usually means you care.
however, we must remember that we are not alone. God is there. He never leaves our side and though we cannot see Him, he may be there in the form of a dear friend, a kind stranger or a baked goodie left on your doorstep.
we will move forward through the fears and tears.
we could be free-er if we allowed ourselves to let go and let God. Give up your burdens and weight to the Lord and he shall sustain you (Psalms 55:22)
we must realize that we have the guts and glory to overcome any trial.
Faith will see you through.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
these past few weeks have been heavy for me. emotionally. spiritually. so much so, that my sleep routine has worsened from the usual disruptive pattern i've lived for over 7 years.
my anxiety has increased. after talking with my primary dr. a couple weeks ago, we upped the dosage on my anti-anxiety pill. (the dosage I was taking was VERY low to begin with.)
I am not ashamed of this. I get a little crazy. Truth is, life gets a little crazy.
Some people who don't deal with anxiety or who simply do not understand would counter, "why take a pill? that's just another pill for another problem. what's next?, if you're a woman of faith, why don't you just pray to God to make you better?" so on and so on....
I am not saying this is you, it's just what I imagine naysayers to say or think...I shouldn't care and I don't because I do believe that this med does help me when the going gets tough, (especially at 1 or 2 in the morning):
when I get ansy and frustrated and HAVE TO MOVE or shake my legs.
When I feel my heart beating faster.
When I have a fluttering feeling in my chest and upper abdominals that nags.
This pill doesn't cure me of my problem and I don't credit it for helping 100% because the other major source of my help comes from Christ!
I never feel closer to my Savior than when I pray or read scriptures. These past 2-3 weeks have been filled with quiet time with Him, prayer, pleading, tears and doubts (yes, i have doubts sometimes.)
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.
i tell myself negative things (the dark one's forces, the dark shadows) and remind myself that doubt and fear is NOT of God! My anxiety will not rule over me!
Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
I've looked to Psalms 62 many a time lately, thanks to one of my best friends who recommended this chapter to me.
I can honestly share that my weeks are improving. I have been able to sleep MUCH better the past couple of nights. It feels so relieving to actually be rested. I thank God for this improvement. Being more restful leads to more energy which in turn has shifted my crabbiness and has allowed me to WANT to do things that I normally found happiness in, such as blogging. Alelulia!
It feels so good to be back blogging more regularly. To be somewhat organized lol and to see the sunny side of life.