Five on Friday// 02

What a week! It wasn't so great in the productive department and my poor little blog has suffered because of it. Sleep for me this past week has been terrible and not to sound like I am complaining (that's what naps are for), it's just really affected my days. I had great feedback from the last Five on Friday that I've decided we'll give it another go! :)

One. I've ordered some things from pretty places like Nordstrom's and Fifth and Mae, which packages have arrived this week. Good news is that something I ordered from Nordie's doesn't fit me well, so that's going to be something I'll be giving away in March! Now, fifth and mae. IF you haven't heard of the website, it's super cute and you should visit. They have super cute jewelry that is way affordable. Do you love my new ring? I sure do since I am an instagram fanatic now! I got this baby from a flash sale! It's good to be friends on facebook with companies!

Two. All this hashtag biz reminds me of that funny video with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake, which video can be number two because i love it.

#ilovehashtags #letmeseeyouhashtag #canigetahashtag


Three. Went to lunch with my dear amanda on wednesday. we enjoyed cheeseburgers at johnny rockets. we had fun while waiting for our food. then did a lil shoppin! Can't wait to wear my new dress. It's a bit more dressy for church. It was nice to spend time with amanda since she's been quite busy finishing up school and did so before she went out of town to visit her family.

FOUR. people that are bipolar are interesting. I have a good friend that struggles with it at times. He can be quite entertaining and can also entertain himself, yet at times needs to be entertained. I worry about him often, but overall, he's got it under control. I feel bad when he spirals out of the loop, and can't imagine living with a mental disorder like that. I pray his spirit to be strong and for anyone who deals with this or any other mental or behavioral issues( i sometimes struggle with anxiety & take a low dose med for depression), I hope you never feel alone, because you are not. And there's nothing to be ashamed about.

FIVE. I was a victim of a drive by hello an hour ago. this person reads my blog, so i should tell him that I bought him a surprise, which is chewy, sweet and in the shape of an animal. Also, James, my P.I.C,  and I were almost gone with the wind...meaning, AZ is expecting a storm and rain tonight and all day tomorrow. We sure could use it.

Goodnight all. I am about to go watch The Spectacular Now. Redbox was out of alot of movies and the two that James and I had originally picked out. Oh well, snacks here I come.

we have the guts and glory

it started as a poem...

some days are a struggle and the days go by.
some days are energetic and i do not cry.

i may not cry saltwater tears, but i cry inside at the fear and worry I carry.
i imagine my little heart slowly dripping droplets one by one. drop. drop.
the thought sometimes crosses my mind, "am i able to bear this?"

we all go through hardships and trials. 
they all come at different times in our lives.

it seems the light is far off in the distance as you struggle to stand and get any slight glimpse of that bright light.

the light that brings hope. that brings reassurance that everything is going to be ok. that you are not alone, ever.

i understand that most of the sweet people that read my blog are women, and not to disregard men, but the following is addressed more to women:

we as women are emotional creatures. you know, all those hormones and all!

it's ok to cry. it's ok confide in others about your problems or things that you keep and build inside.

it's ok to ask for help. it's ok to worry, because that usually means you care.
  
however, we must remember that we are not alone. God is there. He never leaves our side and though we cannot see Him, he may be there in the form of a dear friend, a kind stranger or a baked goodie left on your doorstep.

we will move forward through the fears and tears.

we could be free-er if we allowed ourselves to let go and let God. Give up your burdens and weight to the Lord and he shall sustain you (Psalms 55:22)


we must realize that we have the guts and glory to overcome any trial. 
Faith will see you through.

 Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

these past few weeks have been heavy for me. emotionally. spiritually. so much so, that my sleep routine has worsened from the usual disruptive pattern i've lived for over 7 years.

my anxiety has increased. after talking with my primary dr. a couple weeks ago, we upped the dosage on my anti-anxiety pill. (the dosage I was taking was VERY low to begin with.)

I am not ashamed of this. I get a little crazy. Truth is, life gets a little crazy.

Who cares!?

Some people who don't deal with anxiety or who simply do not understand would counter, "why take a pill? that's just another pill for another problem. what's next?, if you're a woman of faith, why don't you just pray to God to make you better?" so on and so on....

I am not saying this is you, it's just what I imagine naysayers to say or think...I shouldn't care and I don't because I do believe that this med does help me when the going gets tough, (especially at 1 or 2 in the morning): 

when I get ansy and frustrated and HAVE TO MOVE or shake my legs. 
When I feel my heart beating faster. 
When I have a fluttering feeling in my chest and upper abdominals that nags. 

This pill doesn't cure me of my problem and I don't credit it for helping 100% because the other major source of my help comes from Christ!

I never feel closer to my Savior than when I pray or read scriptures. These past 2-3 weeks have been filled with quiet time with Him, prayer, pleading, tears and doubts (yes, i have doubts sometimes.)

Psalms 31:24 

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

i tell myself negative things (the dark one's forces, the dark shadows) and remind myself that doubt and fear is NOT of God! My anxiety will not rule over me!

Psalms 62:1-2

Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.

I've looked to Psalms 62 many a time lately, thanks to one of my best friends who recommended this chapter to me.

I can honestly share that my weeks are improving. I have been able to sleep MUCH better the past couple of nights. It feels so relieving to actually be rested. I thank God for this improvement. Being more restful leads to more energy which in turn has shifted my crabbiness and has allowed me to WANT to do things that I normally found happiness in, such as blogging. Alelulia!

It feels so good to be back blogging more regularly. To be somewhat organized lol and to see the sunny side of life.