emotional & spiritual spillage

Oh hello! it's June!

 

What happens when I don't blog for days? I spill my guts with thoughts that have been bouncing around. Be prepared for a long read.

I was sort of caught off guard last week when one of my caregivers asked me (I was talking about Crazy Love with her), "why do you get stressed or worried? I don't get how a person like you can get stressed or worried."

...(crickets)...WHAT!?

Just because I need care to get dressed, shower or toilet and have someone cook and do laundry for me doesn't mean my life is easy.

I don't get how she can think that. No one is immune to how life affects them. I always find myself, especially around here, my home, having feel the need to explain myself.

I didn't care to explain so much, but just gave her one example of why I stress or worry. It's mostly internal/self-conflict reasons that causes worry or stress.

Ever since reading Crazy Love, I've been trying to be more intentional with my time. I've been trying to put my trust in God and allow Him to help me with the worry or stress I carry. With how and when I pray and commune with God; "not just a 3 minute mumbled prayer" when i try to go to sleep.

God is so great. My eyes are filling up with tears at how wonderful He is. I am so blessed, even when I don't deserve such blessings, because I am always messing up. I am not an angel. My grandpa says with a chuckle, "alot of people, they are no angels."

I know grandpa. I know.

We won't ever be perfect here in this life, as Jesus is the only perfect Son, but we can attain to better ourselves and simply accept the grand love that God offers us.
Because of His grace, he loves me despite my flaws.
Because of His grace, he makes me into something beautiful.

God continues to show me blessings in my life.{allie, i love you! your friendship means so much to me}. They are treasures waiting to be found! I promise, if you look closely, they are there for you too! I am glad that at least my eyes are open enough to see some of them as I am sure I am oblivious to other ones (let's blame it on human selfish nature.)

Oh dear, I am quite emotional right now lol.

Because making lists is something I just do, here are a few things I want to write to help me of the beautiful things that I've been given. There is Jesus in so many parts of our day! What do you see?

+I am thankful that my mom is here with me. Here, meaning, alive and only an hour away. I am just glad that my mom is my mom. That she chose me, to have me, to love & want whatever makes me happy.

+I am thankful that my dad & stepmom came to hang out with me on sunday for almost three hours. My dad treated me with an iced vanilla coffee! yum.

+I am thankful that I have an appreciation for storytelling through film. Chila and I watched, Of Mice and Men yesterday on netflix and wow. I don't think I could handle reading the book. It's heartbreaking to see the bittersweet tragedy of loving someone so much even though you put them out of their misery (again, they not knowing.)
Maybe sometimes it's better to not be aware of how cruel the world can be?

+I am thankful for encountering the young pregnant lady who is choosing life. She had a really cute shirt on too.

+I am thankful to my grandparent's for going to get Perla's vaccines on such short notice, just so that they could bring their fur baby to come visit me every week. (rules)

and now for your listening pleasure, I leave you with Brandon Heath.
I LOOOOVEE this song!
I am on my way to download it. repeat is in its near future.

peek inside my journal: being less selfish

When darling Alesha of Blessed to be blessing invited me to her link up "peek inside my journal-PIMJ" last week, i was delighted at the nature of the link-up. I think it's a wonderful way for people to gain insight and perhaps a new perspective in their faith as we all profess our love and faith in God. I am definitely a work in progress!

I've been struggling with not criticizing others and trying to have the frame of mind that they are doing the best they can. That those little things that i find annoying are ok (not this massive storm cloud), because in the grand scheme of things, they are not important! I'm learning to choose my battles wisely. it's a difficult task some days, but i can do it!  I bite my tongue and am keeping my heart from hardening and keeping it mushy. A mushy heart is way better! lol. We all want to be heard and understood. I think talking less (offering criticism) and listening (offering understanding) is a more peaceful way to live. Jesus was about peace and love.

Job 6:24-"Teach me, and I will hold my tongue; Cause me to understand wherein I have erred."

I might just learn something if I bite my tongue and listen. Really at the root of this struggle I am having is selfishness. I consider myself a very giving person, but i know there's capacity to grow and extend myself more. It's not always about me. It's about them. It's about Jesus. He is teaching me to care MORE about others, even the ones that annoy me or upset me. It's an ugly part of me. The part where I lose focus on the Lord. The part of me that gets upset. Yet, I always love being reminded that the Lord is there with me, all the days of my life. That He cares what i am going through. And that He offers me the most complete peace.

What can i do to be more giving? How i can serve more? What if I offer patience understanding and acceptance instead of frustration, grumpiness and anxiety?  It'll make a difference. Offering and being the good fruits will cause me to be a happier & peaceful person. All of these lessons, especially this one at the present moment is shaping me to become the person God wants me to be. The person I am destined to be. A better version of myself.

I like that right now I am taking time in silence(no tv, no ipod, no twitter or facebook), me alone with my thoughts, to write about this stuff. As you probably have noticed, I haven't written anything new since sunday. I've been busy catching up on emails, comments, tweets, planning & organzing blog stuff [see pic] and reading other fabulous blogs! But even taking time off from actually blogging was nice because I was connecting with you. So many of you are believers and the women I've met so far are genuinely beautiful daughters of God. It's truly encouraging to share our hearts with one another as we build up His kingdom.

It's always comforting to spend time with God and with his Word dontcha you think? He's always working in our lives, even if we don't notice. Like in the movie, Blue Brothers 2000, it's said, "God works in mysterious ways." And oh he sure does!! I always feel re-grounded when I spend time with God. I didn't jump on the Soul Detox program fast enough! But i love that #SheReadsTruth is going on!! i guess it's never to late to start! wanna join with me!? Let's start tomorrow!!!

love you sister/brother friends!