Wednesday, June 5, 2013

emotional & spiritual spillage

Oh hello! it's June!

What happens when I don't blog for days? I spill my guts with thoughts that have been bouncing around. Be prepared for a long read.

I was sort of caught off guard last week when one of my caregivers asked me (I was talking about Crazy Love with her), "why do you get stressed or worried? I don't get how a person like you can get stressed or worried."


Just because I need care to get dressed, shower or toilet and have someone cook and do laundry for me doesn't mean my life is easy.

I don't get how she can think that. No one is immune to how life affects them. I always find myself, especially around here, my home, having feel the need to explain myself.

I didn't care to explain so much, but just gave her one example of why I stress or worry. It's mostly internal/self-conflict reasons that causes worry or stress.

Ever since reading Crazy Love, I've been trying to be more intentional with my time. I've been trying to put my trust in God and allow Him to help me with the worry or stress I carry. With how and when I pray and commune with God; "not just a 3 minute mumbled prayer" when i try to go to sleep.

God is so great. My eyes are filling up with tears at how wonderful He is. I am so blessed, even when I don't deserve such blessings, because I am always messing up. I am not an angel. My grandpa says with a chuckle, "alot of people, they are no angels."

I know grandpa. I know.

We won't ever be perfect here in this life, as Jesus is the only perfect Son, but we can attain to better ourselves and simply accept the grand love that God offers us.
Because of His grace, he loves me despite my flaws.
Because of His grace, he makes me into something beautiful.

God continues to show me blessings in my life.{allie, i love you! your friendship means so much to me}. They are treasures waiting to be found! I promise, if you look closely, they are there for you too! I am glad that at least my eyes are open enough to see some of them as I am sure I am oblivious to other ones (let's blame it on human selfish nature.)

Oh dear, I am quite emotional right now lol.

Because making lists is something I just do, here are a few things I want to write to help me of the beautiful things that I've been given. There is Jesus in so many parts of our day! What do you see?

+I am thankful that my mom is here with me. Here, meaning, alive and only an hour away. I am just glad that my mom is my mom. That she chose me, to have me, to love & want whatever makes me happy.

+I am thankful that my dad & stepmom came to hang out with me on sunday for almost three hours. My dad treated me with an iced vanilla coffee! yum.

+I am thankful that I have an appreciation for storytelling through film. Chila and I watched, Of Mice and Men yesterday on netflix and wow. I don't think I could handle reading the book. It's heartbreaking to see the bittersweet tragedy of loving someone so much even though you put them out of their misery (again, they not knowing.)
Maybe sometimes it's better to not be aware of how cruel the world can be?

+I am thankful for encountering the young pregnant lady who is choosing life. She had a really cute shirt on too.

+I am thankful to my grandparent's for going to get Perla's vaccines on such short notice, just so that they could bring their fur baby to come visit me every week. (rules)

and now for your listening pleasure, I leave you with Brandon Heath.
I LOOOOVEE this song!
I am on my way to download it. repeat is in its near future.

On a lighter note, you might want to stop by here  for a giveaway by yours truly.

Thank you for reading and walking side by side with me.

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Anonymous said...

I love how you choose to think on the things you’re grateful for when stressed. That is tough and effective, I think. Thanks for your example of faith!

mascaraordie said...

visiting via PDX...just ordered crazy love on amazon...can't wait to start it!

holli said...

I love your heart. You are human and you're female which means we automatically have the power to stress over anything.
We are so blessed even thru our rough moments. YOu're a beautiful example to your caregiver of loving Christ.

Karrie Smith said...


You are such an angel you don't even know. I love your blog, because you give me hope and peace, and just make me a happier person. I can have a very negative outlook on life, and I'm so glad you write like this on your blog.

Now. I'm a nurse, so I know what to say and what NOT to say to a person. I also have a sister that passed away from cervical cancer and she went from healthy to not walking from a blood clot, to very weak....

I'm not sure what Crazy Love is, but your caregiver to say something like that shocked me! To assume, because people help you do your daily activities, for you not to be stressed? I would be offended by that, but I think you handled the situation ok. My sister personally hated people doing things for her and she was really stressed out about it. Some people like it, and some people hate it. But to assume that you don't have the same problems as anyone else offended me. You are such a cute, smart, articulate person! Everyone has challenges to overcome. That's why I think we were put on Earth. I hope you have a great weekend, and just brush off the comment as someone who is ignorant-not meanly, just really don't know how it is. She sounds young, so maybe she just doesn't realize how the world really works yet.

Martha Woods said...

I love that you are such a positive person! I think that was a really mean comment to make--everyone, no matter who they are or what life they live, will experience stress of some kind or another! You can't compare stresses! But kudos to you for rising above and focusing on the good in life, because there is so much of it to be found if we just look.

Danielle said...

This is such a beautiful post, my dear. It's so easy for us to get caught up in our problems and take them on as our own. But when we're grateful and give our struggles to God, He ALWAYS makes them better. He might not solve it all in one minute, but He makes it better and we have so much to thank Him for. You have such a beautiful heart and I'm glad to know you! xoxo